It’s a quality up there with heat vision and flight. It’s a quality that I marvel at and have tried to attain for years to no avail. It doesn’t matter what I try to emulate, even brushing my teeth with their toothbrush had no effect.
All of my friends have a deep resilience, and inner peace that I can’t seem to find. I have hardly any bounce back when it comes to failure or cutting remark; I’d rather take the sticks and stones.
And when a smidge of something goes wrong in my day (melted my blender by the way, apparently I had the dishwasher set to “raining lava” so I’m writing with without breakfast and I’m pounding the keys a little harder.) I’m just disrupted.
Oh, but Ryan, you’re a Christian. Didn’t you know that Jesus is your peace? And if you trust in Him . . . Yes, yes, I realize that. And if you’d like to take a look at some anxious people, please turn your attention to any of his disciples who walked with Him. Trust me I get it.
And honestly, I thought Afghanistan would “toughen” me up and it has in some non-useful ways.
For example, explosions and gunfire. I keep my head in those situations. Flying on helicopters at 3 AM. Not a problem. I’m cool runnings in those situations.
But I lose my sense of peace in an instant when the following happens:
- I lose a piece of tech from my Fitbit to my phone. It puts in me in an utter panic.
- Someone slights me when it comes to my creativity or intelligence (I’m average on both, but good night I turn into crying-Hulk-baby this quick.)
- Money. Right now, I’m running on a deficit, using savings to keep me floating, but it stresses me.
And it’s funny to make the start of the list (it’s not the entirety, let’s not kid ourselves here) because the person behind this computer is Sane Ryan and he sort of chuckles at this list.
But when Sane Ryan is confronted with these “problems”, he turns into Panic Ryan and let me tell you, he is a fantastic person to be around. Super great.
So now I’m diligently working on building more resilience into my life. Here are something things I’m using/doing to quell my anxiety.
Keep my stuff together: I’m starting with the basics here. Every day, I empty my pockets into a little box in my entry way. Everything goes in there: keys, wallet, another set of keys, some LEGOS, a penny I found, some fuzz, etc. If any of it makes its way out of the box, it is firmly scolded and put back in the box. What box you might ask? This one.
Morning/Night Routines: I’m working on having my morning and night routines be automatic, with no deviation. It involves prayer and washing my face. Shaving and brushing my teeth. Very ordinary things. Very simple things, but I find them refreshing.
Eating Better: I’ve really worked on my diet and lost some weight. Salads and smoothies. Things called vegetables. I’m going to hit the gym soon. Exercise is not part of my routine just yet, but it will be. (I need a new blender. Reminder.)
Staircases: I’m on a three story walk up now, and what I mentally do is leave my day at work at the bottom of the stairs and think positively as I ascend or descend.
Prayer: Every day just some stillness, some right thinking, some burden giving prayers.
Right now it’s a conscious effort, a strain to remember, but I find it helps. I noticed the small differences. Because at the end, I guess peace is habit, an underlying way of being, and not a superpower, which strangely enough, gives me peace.